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To The Person Questioning This Autism Thing

"Autism wasn't a thing in my day."
"Doctors just want to diagnose everything these days. Everybody is sick with some made up thing".
"A spankin' should knock the 'autism' right out of him."

Oh, the things I was told in those early days of getting Wyatt diagnosed.

It was probably the most insecure time in my life. I knew the doctors were onto something, but I would listen to these people talk at me and nod my head in silent agreement, and then cry in my car on the way home because of the fear that no one would accept my son for who he was if he didn't fit the cookie cutter mold of All American Boy.

I also know this story is the same for just about everyone who's child receives an autism diagnosis. Because of that, a lot of families --ours included-- choose not to talk about the diagnosis.
I've finally come to realize that people don't say these things to be malicious or to devalue our children.
They say it because they don't know any better.

So, family and friends of ASD families, pull up a seat while I take you to school.

1. You are right, autism, as we know it today, was not a thing in your day.
In fact, Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) was not recognized as the spectrum (i.e., diverse) disorder that it is, until 1991. Your kids were probably born around the time autism got the recognition it needed. There's an interesting phenomenon happening, where parents are going to get help for their kids, and walking away with an ASD diagnosis for their child AND themselves.

2. Autism is not something a person grows out of.
While therapies go a long way in helping people on the spectrum to learn, cope, and assimilate with Neurotypical (NT) people, it does not "cure" them.

3. Spanking kids on the spectrum will not fix anything.
A spanking will not help a child who doesn't understand what you are saying, suddenly understand you.
A pop on the butt will not bring them out of a meltdown.
A wooden spoon will not make my child suddenly switch focus from something his brain has fixated on to what I'm asking him to do.
You can't beat the autism out of a child any more than I could beat you into autism.

4. Getting an autism diagnosis is not easy. It's not something that your doctor even actually diagnoses. When the dust settled from the YEAR (15 Months) of referrals, and therapists, and evaluations from roughly 14 different people, we had a diagnosis.
We had an amazing team, but for many families, this takes much longer.

If you have found yourself being "That Guy" to an autism family, it's ok. You weren't the one sitting in on the hours of therapies, and doctors visits, and evaluations. You're not the one who has lost sleep at night scouring the internet to understand better what this diagnosis means. ASD families can't fault you for what you don't know.

BUT, now you know!

What these families need from you is just your acceptance. Ask questions about how you can help. Ask questions about what autism looks like for their family.
Be a listener.
Be a supporter.
Be an advocate.
Be anything but the jerk questioning a diagnosis.

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