When Insecuritues Control You

Have you ever thought about the power you give to your insecurities?

I remember one day a while back, I was getting dressed for the gym and I realized all of my leggings were still in the washing machine. My only option for the leg-day ahead was compression shorts. I died a little inside thinking about how people might judge the cellulite on my legs or think i was too big to be wearing shorts at all.

Why couldn't I have been born during a time period where curves and rolls were attractive? But, then again, booty shorts wouldn't even be a thing in that day and age, and I surely would already be dead from small pox or stoned to death for one sin or another by now.
I digress.

I closed the drawer and decided I could just skip the gym that day.

And then it hit me.

I was so insecure about other peoples opinions of MY body, that I would rather stay home than risk someone thinking something negative about me.

What kind of life is that?
What kind of example was that setting for my daughter?

So I slipped into a pair of shorts and went to to the gym.
You know what happened?
NOTHING!
Not a damn thing.
The sun didnt fall from the sky.
There were no car crashes from gawking at my cellulite.
People just carried on with their lives.
No one stared or said anything mean. If someone was thinking I looked awful, I surely couldn't tell, and believe me I was looking for it.

What a freeing moment to finally realize that my insecurities only mattered to me. And if I was the only one who cared, what was the point of even worrying about it?

I started wearing my insecurities in other ways.

I quit apologizing to friends for my house being messy and they still came over.

I stopped justifying my kids acting like kids every time someone raised an eyebrow. I no longer felt timid and ashamed of the parent I was.

I wore clothes that I liked, I ate the food that I wanted, I did the things that brought me joy.

I found that people really didnt care to begin with and if they did, it certainly didnt affect me.

So here I am, still unable to remember to move my laundry from the washer to the drier and my only option for the gym are these compression shorts.

I slid them on grateful for the reminder that they are.

It's ok to be insecure, sometimes.
It's never ok to let those insecurities run your life.