The Big A Word

"He's on the Spectrum," she said.

The words rolled off her tongue like it was nothing. Like she had just told me the sky was blue. But those words sent tears rolling down my cheeks and sucked the air from my lungs.

We had been dancing around this diagnosis for over a year, but hearing the words made it so real.
I knew that my son was different.
I knew that he had struggles that needed to be addressed.
But the big A word.
Autism.
My son was Autistic.

I wish I could go back to that moment and tell myself what I know now. I wish I knew what a gift this diagnosis would be.
I wish I knew it would open the door that would completely change Wyatt's life for the better.

I think the #1 thing people ask me, is "How did you know he had Autism?"
The answer is, I didn't.
Not until that phone call.

The reality though is that knowing he had autism, wasn't nearly as important as the moment I knew he and I needed help.

That moment came when he was 2 1/2, after one of our more impressive battle-of-wills. I called his pediatrician with tear stains on my cheeks and asked for a referral to a speech therapist.

Don't misunderstand me, though. I knew in my heart that he needed help long before that day. At 2, he had failed a developmental screening at the doctor and came back borderline on the Autism evaluation. This was the first time speech therapy had been mentioned,  but we decided to wait and see what happened.

The difference between the two moments had to do entirely with my heart.
At 2, I was not able to accept that my son was different.
I did not have a support system who believed that Autism could be anything other than it's most severe form.
I believed I could fix this on my own.

At 2 1/2, I was broken, you guys.
Nothing I tried helped.
It was becoming more and more apparent every day that this was not something my son was going to grow out of.
I needed to set aside my fear of the answer, and start asking the questions.

Because with the questions, came angels in the form of therapists with the answers. They didn't just teach him to speak, or how to socialize, and cope.
They taught ME how to be a better mom for him.
They taught US to speak the same language.

Early intervention was LIFE CHANGING.

If you're reading this, and it speaks to your situation; If you're wondering if your child needs help; If your mom-gut is sounding an alarm;

Go ask the questions.